Let's Go To The Movies: Magic Mike XXL

I went to see Magic Mike XXL with some friends this weekend. It was not my pick, but I didn't exactly go against my will either. I had watched the first one (alone in the privacy of my own home), and I wasn't impressed. Male strippers aren't really my thing, and the acting was horrible. My friend claimed that this one was supposed to be way better though, so Magic Mike XXL it was.

It's been three years since "Magic" Mike left the male entertainment world. His new business is barely scraping by and his girlfriend has left him. So, when his old stripping buddies pass by on their way to the big Male Stripper Convention in Myrtle Beach, he decides to go with them for one last hurrah.

I'm actually not going to review this movie, because come's Magic Mike XXL. It was bad like we all knew it would be.

No, instead I present...


Is Mike a furniture delivery guy now? Wait, I think he designs furniture. Yeah, I think I remember that from the first movie now. What was the first movie even about again?

Is Matthew McConaughey going to be in this one too? Probably not, he's won an Oscar now. Yeah, he's definitely not in this one. Why was he even in the first one?

What the heck is with the girl in the helmet? How are they just ignoring her? She's so weird!

Adam Rodriguez's hair looks ridiculous.

Mike is dancing alone while welding. How very Flashdance/Footloose of him.

OMG...people are whoo-hoo'ing at the screen. Are you kidding me?

Does Channing Tatum have a dead tooth? Something is weird with his tooth. Am I the only one that does not think he is attractive?

Is this like a road trip movie?

Okay, Joe Manganiello's gas station dance was pretty good.

Jada Pinkett Smith looks amazing. She's such a bad ass too.

Haha, that's Michael Strahan. How funny, he's doing a little cameo. He's not going to dance though, right? Woah, wait, he's dancing. How long is this going to go on? Please make it stop.

I am embarrassed for these women.

I love Jada's outfit. I wish I could rock a vest as a top like that.

Wow, that's one huge house.

Oh, yay, it's Andie MacDowell! I love her. She should totally be in more stuff. She looks great.

How are they going to have time to make up all new routines? Isn't the convention like tomorrow?

Oh, yay, it's Elizabeth Banks! I love her. Wait, why is she in this movie?

You know, I'd be pretty pissed if I got dressed up nice to go to a show and some stripper got chocolate sauce and whip cream all over my clothes.

Damn, Joe Manganiello looks good in a tux. He should keep it on.

Nope, it's off, but at least he's stripping to Nine Inch Nails. This is the best routine so far.

Did Matt Bomer just put that girls hand down his pants? Gross. Isn't there a no touching rule, or is that only for female strippers?

Amber Heard has the same reaction I would have if some guy had his junk in my face. Shielding her face with her hands and looking away. Finally, an appropriate reaction.

Am I the only one that thinks some of these routines are borderline sexual assault?

I don't mind when they dance on stage, but this one-on-one stuff with the ladies is so disturbing.

Oh, no, they're in thongs. Ah, now they're showing each one of them in their thong! Men do not look good in thongs. These are attractive movie stars, and they look ridiculous. No man should ever wear a thong!!!

There you have it. It was a laughably bad movie, but all in good fun. Have you seen it yet? Will you?

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